


Farther Into Darkness

by LeastExpected_Archivist



Category: The Lord of the Rings - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Interspecies, Kinky/Squicky Pairings, M/M, Points of View
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2002-02-04
Updated: 2002-02-04
Packaged: 2021-03-06 14:21:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 710
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26330314
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LeastExpected_Archivist/pseuds/LeastExpected_Archivist
Summary: By Nienna Calaquendi.Fear and desire are a dangerous combination.
Relationships: Frodo Baggins/Sam Gamgee, Frodo Baggins/Sauron | Mairon
Kudos: 4
Collections: Least Expected





	Farther Into Darkness

**Author's Note:**

> Note from Amy Fortuna, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [Least Expected](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Least_Expected), which has been offline since 2002. To preserve the archive, I began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in August 2017. I e-mailed all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on the [Least Expected collection profile](https://archiveofourown.org/collections/leastexpected/profile).
> 
> Disclaimer: I acknowledge that someone other than myself holds the copyright to these characters. No profit has been made from this story.  
>  Story Notes: This is a sequel of sorts to my story ["In the Darkness Bind Them,](https://archiveofourown.org/works/26330185)" but it can also stand alone.

"The Ring is taking me, Sam. If I put it on he'll find me. He'll see." I can't keep the desperation out of my voice, can't hide that from you. There's so much I'm already hiding, dearest Sam, and so much you've noticed in me that I would spare you from if I could. The Ring whispers so strongly now that I even hear it in my dreams. Soon I will not be able to hide from Him at all, and that frightens me. 

It frightens me worse that there are times when I don't want to hide. 

For _He_ is there now, in my mind and in my dreams. Watching, waiting, stirring an ache in me that would be better left unknown. Part of me is no longer able to resist Him. In dreams I yield to his darkest desires, offering myself fully and taking pleasure in the way he uses me. Part of me seeks to surrender to Him so completely that my conflict ceases to exist, burned to ash by the heat of His touch. I awake spilling into my hand, clutching the Ring, stroking it like a lover, and lover it is. This perfect golden band is His conduit, a tenuous thread connecting us, the compass by which He will find me. I've begun to crave that which will be the means of my own destruction. 

"Don't think I haven't noticed," you tell me. "You aren't eating, you barely sleep." I haven't told you of what I dream, but you know. You must see it in my eyes, for I see it reflected back to me, transmuted into pity and love. But it's not love I think of now. It's been twisted into something else, something dark and tainted. I am tainted now, too. Your gentleness can no longer reach me, Sam. Your touch can no longer cool the burning in my skin, nor release me even for a few brief moments from my torment. Only His touch can do that now. 

I hate myself for feeling this way, hate what I'm becoming. I'm being played like a mouse by a great evil cat, allowed to escape momentarily, prolonging the game until the next brutal attack. Tossed about like prey, waiting so long for the final snapping of the neck that its coming will be a relief. I tell myself dreams are only dreams, that none of it is real--but not _these_ dreams. I tell myself that as long as I proceed forward, step by heavy step toward the throbbing heart of Mordor, I am still in control. 

But control is an illusion. 

Smeagol knows. When we captured him, he eagerly swore to serve the master of the Precious, all too ready to enslave himself once more. I understand the nature of the obedience I see in his eyes when I direct him, the gratitude he feels when I allow him to serve me. And I know how it horrifies you, the bond that daily grows stronger between he and I, testament to our shared need. In his eyes I see the same hunger that draws me ever closer to the _real_ master of the Precious. Each day that passes lessens the chances of my resisting Him, and each night makes me question why I try. 

Despite this corrupt desire that is taking me, I still fear meeting Him in the flesh, for I know that then there will be no awakening, no respite. No Samwise to tear my hands away from the Ring, protecting me from Him as you still can, for now. If-- _when_ \--we meet Him face to face, you will die, and with you all hope for my redemption. You are the only reason I have been able to withstand Him this long, though I should never have allowed you to follow me into such deadly peril. You are the pure, clear light standing between me and darkness, my last defense. 

"I can't do this, Sam," I said to you, and with tears in your eyes you answered, "I know." But to allow myself to believe I could fail, to acknowledge it, is to be lost. I'm not lost yet, but I fear what the coming days--and nights--will bring.


End file.
